How do you know how to get somewhere without a map?

I played golf with a good friend this week.  He and his son are best friends.  He makes all his golf tournaments, picks him up from school most days and they hang out.

I would not say that I am either of my kid’s best friend (or even favorite parent!).

I struggle with the simplest of things with them.  Hanging out.  Playing with them enough.  Just understanding what kids need.

I did not have a road map for that.

My father did not show me how to do that.  He did not do that with me.

I simply do not know how.

Every day, this is something new that I must learn and make a serious effort to master and understand.

This is not easy.

I do not consider myself a lazy person or a selfish person.  But, at 48 years of age, some days I am just tired and need to do my own thing.

Is there anything wrong with that?  I don’t think so.

But at the same time, there is this feeling of guilt and that I need to do more.

There’s no map. But I’m still on the journey.

These last couple weeks have been particularly challenging with my kids and just life in general.

They are both trying to figure out life in this world at 11 and 10 years old.  How far they can push limits and how far we will allow them to push those limits.

At the end of the day, my hope is that the love that I show them, that I didn’t get as a young person, will be what they both remember. They may see me struggle, but at least the struggle will be to be closer to them, better for them.

After all, my kids and I may not have a map, but we are on the journey together, step by step.

-J.D.