My grandfather died at 62 of Parkinson’s disease.

My father died at 62 of Parkinson’s Disease and Paranoid Schizophrenia.

By the time my grandfather was 35, he was having trouble playing catch with his son. His body had already started to fail him.

Focused on his business (and a whole lot of gambling), he never spent much time with his son. Instead, he chose to write letters to my father as his method of sharing his thoughts on life, academics, sports, or just the choices he made in general.

When I was in my early twenties, before my father lost his way and before we located him, he shared these letters and how he felt. “He would always just write me these letters instead of talking to me,” my father shared.

My grandfather, a complicated man, came from a family of five siblings. His three brothers and him were only educated until the 8th grade and had to endure a very physically violent father. He had emigrated here from Austria. Frustrated with life and work, often belligerent and drunk, he would take it out on his sons, so much so that the three boys would cut his head out of all photos.

My grandfather did what he could, raising his only son.

Much later, my father, whom I had been estranged from for many years, tried the same thing. He wrote letters to me – most of which I never read.

He was not able to break the bonds of his past and his family legacy.

We had no real connection, and he was never able to truly communicate the way he felt.

Later, when we located him and helped him get into a facility that would care for him until his dying day, I remember seeing this broken-down, old, sick man and feeling sorry for him.

Today, I look back on those days and ask myself, “Did he ever have a chance?”

Maybe he did and maybe he did not. Nature versus nurture can be very powerful.

All of us make choices. Some on our own and some with the “assistance” of others.

Still, it doesn’t change any of the facts.

Today, all I can do is communicate and care the best way I know how. Always search for answers and try to do my best.

That is all any of us can do.

That is all any of us can and should expect from those around us.

Try to be the best you can be and do the best you can.

And most importantly, pay attention and try not to repeat the cycle.

-J.D.