Sometimes the words you don’t say can be just as hurtful as the words you do say.

I remember being about age 23. My grandparents asked me to dinner. Just the three of us.

We met at the restaurant and, after ordering, spoke about my career and how I felt about my life at that time.

My grandmother, with whom I always had a good relationship, asked me why I pushed so hard and why I worked so hard.

I remember looking up at them from the table and into my grandfather’s eyes and saying, “To make you proud of me.” My grandmother’s eyes softened and she smiled. She said she was very proud of me.

“Are you proud of me, too, Grandpa?” I asked.

“I can’t answer that,” he replied.

Just like that.

I remember being overtaken with emotion. A profound sadness filled my soul. Never one to show much emotion, I remember crying that day right there at the table, not being able to hold it in any longer.

I recall my grandmother yelling at my grandfather to tell me that he was proud of me. “Tell him you’re proud of him, Joe!” she screamed in the middle of the restaurant during the prime dinner hour.

Wiping my eyes, I looked at my grandfather’s face and calmly said, “I may never be able to make you proud of me. And that’s ok. But I can do this….”

And I got up from the table and walked out.

Sometimes the power of not speaking can be more powerful than speaking. (How often have you been with someone who has the need to comment on everything? It’s exhausting.)

Or how about being in the situation where you so badly want someone’s approval, only for it not to happen the way you want it? Or not at all?

I understand that my grandfather was a flawed man. As am I, too.

And experiences like that one have helped make me who I am. Good and bad, I am who I am because of those situations.

All you can do is learn from them and try and to be better. Choose to be better and always share how proud you are of those that do well around you. Colleagues, kids, friends, neighbors, and family. Anyone you care about. Share your happiness for them…because once they’re gone, there’s no getting that chance back.

-J.D.